Book Review: 'Hold On to Your Kids' by Dr. Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Mate
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In today’s fast-paced world, where screens and social influences compete for our children’s attention, Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s book, Hold On to Your Kids, offers a refreshing and much-needed perspective on parenting. This book delves into the importance of fostering deep parental attachment in an era where peer relationships and digital distractions often take precedence.
Why I Liked This Book
One of the key takeaways from Hold On to Your Kids is the concept that children need strong, secure attachments to their parents in order to thrive emotionally, socially, and academically. Dr. Neufeld explains that when children become more peer-oriented than parent-oriented, it can lead to behavioral challenges, increased anxiety, and struggles with authority.
What I loved about this book is its gentle yet powerful reminder that parents are meant to be the primary influencers in their child’s life. The book offers research-backed insights that validate a parent’s role as a guide and protector, rather than just a caretaker. The emphasis on attachment is both reassuring and empowering, making it clear that connection—not control—is the foundation of effective parenting.
Application to a Busy Modern Family
Many parents today juggle demanding careers, extracurricular activities, and digital overload, often feeling disconnected from their children despite living under the same roof. This book provides practical solutions that are highly applicable to modern families:
Prioritise Connection Over Correction – Instead of focusing on discipline as a way to manage behaviour, Neufeld suggests strengthening the parent-child bond to naturally encourage cooperation.
Limit Peer Dependence – The book highlights ways to foster family attachment, such as spending intentional time together, reducing unnecessary screen exposure, and creating rituals that encourage closeness.
Reclaim Influence Over Your Child – In a world where social media and friends shape much of a child’s identity, parents can use Neufeld’s strategies to ensure their voice remains the most impactful.
Be Present in Small but Meaningful Ways – Even in the busiest of schedules, simple moments like a bedtime chat, a morning hug, or shared meals can reinforce parental attachment.
Final Thoughts
Hold On to Your Kids is a must-read for any parent who feels they are losing their connection with their child. It reassures us that we don’t need to be perfect parents—we just need to be present, available, and intentional. In a society that often prioritises independence too early, this book reminds us that the key to raising well-adjusted, confident children lies in a strong, secure attachment with parents.
For those looking for a meaningful parenting read, this book offers both wisdom and actionable advice that can be seamlessly integrated into even the busiest of lifestyles.
